


Unbroken

by PlatonicRabbit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Sam Winchester, Insecure Sam, M/M, Trauma, mentions of the cage, talk of "fixing" asexual people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 06:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4212075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlatonicRabbit/pseuds/PlatonicRabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam asks a favour of Gabriel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unbroken

**Author's Note:**

> Set in an alternate Season 6 where God decided Gabriel was going to make up for running off with the pagans by making him get Sam out of Hell and stay with him while he heals (actually God just ships Sabriel and wanted to set them up but shhh). So Sam isn't soulless (though he was for a couple of days) and God is back in Heaven, so no civil war. Raphael is in the time-out corner.  
> Used to be called "broken" but that was kinda the exact opposite of what I was going for, so I changed it.

**If you're not reading this on AO3 it has been stolen.**

Gabriel is watching a Doctor Sexy marathon in Team Free Will’s hotel room when Sam finally decides to speak to him. It’s a much nicer room than usual, courtesy of Gabriel’s refusal to stay anywhere that “looked, under a black light at least, like the previous occupants had used it for a week long orgy” and ability to conjure unlimited money.

Dean is getting used to their new standard of living alarmingly fast, and while Sam does appreciate no longer having to share a room with Dean and Castiel when they get amorous he can’t quite bring himself to take advantage of the free room service and mini-bars. Not when he knows exactly what the archangel was hoping for.  
And Sam wants to, he does, but he just can’t.

He sidles onto the couch opposite from Gabriel and waits for him to notice Sam there and pause his show. No sense antagonizing an archangel by deliberately interrupting them. Sam had well and truly learned that lesson after the first few times he had tried to help Adam.  
As it turns out, Sam only waits seconds until Gabriel pauses the show, by blinking at it, which Sam still isn’t used to. Weirdo angel powers. Sam shrugs the thought aside and looks up at Gabriel, who is staring at him expectantly.

‘Something on your mind, Salami Slice? Are you gonna tell me?’

Sam rolls his eyes. ‘Maybe if you agree to never call me that again.’

Gabriel releases a drawn out, put-upon sigh, but acquiesces.

Now that the moment was here, Sam’s voice freezes in his throat. What if Gabriel laughs at him? What if he can’t help? It isn’t just Hell trauma that's causing the issue, after all. Sam had always known something was a little bit… off. Even with Jess.  
After a minute of watching Sam stare at the floor and pick at a loose thread on his plaid, Gabriel seems to tire of the wait. He crosses over and kneels in front of Sam, forcing the hunter to look at him.

‘Sam. I can’t help if you won’t say anything. I’m not reading your mind.’

The eye contact is almost too much to bear, Gabriel’s eyes are too intense for Sam and he has to look away.

‘It’s nothing, just…’ Sam tries to get up but Gabriel’s hands on his knees are immoveable. Giving the archangel a half-hearted glare, he stops struggling and falls back against the couch with a huff.

‘Is it about the case?’

Sam shakes his head, thankful that Gabriel seems to be letting Sam take his time.

‘Okay… Is it about Dean, then?’

Sam shakes his head again, before he stops himself. This will take all day if he doesn’t start verbalizing.

‘It’s… not really about a person. Well, maybe you; but not really. You’re more the reason I want it fixed. It’s a problem I have.’ Sam trails off, unable to get the rest out. He’s not sure how to talk about this without mentioning Hell, is hoping Gabriel catches on before he has to.

Gabriel is watching him, an expression of puzzled exasperation fixed on his features.

‘Kiddo, that made zero sense. You’re going to have to try again.’

‘Can’t you just,’ Sam waves two fingers towards his own temple.

Gabriel shakes his head. ‘Nope, sorry, Sammoose, I’m not going to let you rely on that. It’s not healthy, and I’m technically here as your doctor. Orders from above. You know.’

Sam did know.  
Gabriel had made it clear, the day he had pulled Sam’s soul out of Hell, muttering under his breath about little brothers and their substandard work. The day he’d tracked down Sam’s living body and put his soul back into it.

Gabriel was only here on probation. Healing Sam is the first part of his penance, and when Sam was fixed, God would take Gabriel away, send him to someone else.  
Sam can’t pretend the thought doen’t make his heart ache.

Gabriel is still watching Sam. Waiting to be told what the problem is. Because it's his duty, not because he wants to help. Not because he wants to be here, to be with Sam. It isn’t Gabriel’s fault Sam is projecting his own messed up feelings onto him.

Sam looks down again, to where Gabriel’s hands are still resting on his knees. His thumbs have started to rub comforting little circles into Sam’s legs, and he suspects the archangel is using his grace to calm Sam, somehow.

‘I was wondering if you could fix me,’ he blurtesout.

The thumbs still. A glance at Gabriel’s face tells Sam he’d actually managed to surprise the angel.

‘Fix you… how? I’m already “fixing” you, if you mean what my brothers did. Have been for, what, six months?’

Sam glances at the TV screen, which is frozen on a scene that’s raunchier than Sam had realized daytime television was allowed to get. Gabriel’s eyes follow Sam’s, and narrow in confusion.

‘You… want to be a doctor? You want to go back to college and try to fit into mainstream society again? You want to have sex with a nurse in a janitor’s closet? If it’s the last one, I’m not helping. I have far too much respect for the cleaning staff of the world, and far too many memories of finding my own closet messed up by some disrespectful twat.’

Sam blinks. Sometimes he didn’t really understand Gabriel’s thought tangents.

‘Uh, no. To the closet thing. And to the others as well, that was a long time ago. But mostly no to the closet thing. And… to the sex thing in general. That’s the problem.’

Finally, Gabriel looks like he vaguely understands what Sam is getting at.  
The angel stands up, finally moving his hands, and sits beside Sam on the couch, carefully not touching him. Sam sighs internally. He’s finally proven himself too much of a freak for even his divine-appointed guardian, and now Gabriel won’t even touch him. That might make healing hard, if Gabriel was telling the truth about needing direct contact each time he works on Sam’s soul.

‘Is this something that’s been going on forever, or since I pulled you out?’

Gabriel never directly or indirectly refers to Hell without reminding Sam he’s out, it’s not real anymore, and Sam is grateful for it.

‘It got worse, after. But I was always… Even with Jess, I didn’t want to until we’d been dating almost a year, and with Ruby I wasn’t interested until I got high. That was part of how she got me hooked so fast.’

Gabriel is nodding along with Sam’s words, expression carefully neutral. ‘And now?’ he prompts, when Sam stops talking.

‘Now… I can’t… Dean keeps trying to get me to go to bars, pick up chicks like he used to, some sort of living vicariously, I think, now that he has Cas. But I just can’t. Gabriel, I’m broken.’ Sam sobs and pulls his knees to his chest.

‘Sam.’ The levity was gone from Gabriel’s voice, now, replaced by a tone he only uses when making Serious Messenger of God™ Announcements.

‘Can I touch you?’

Sam nods, once, shakily, and immediately finds himself pulled into a set of arms that are much stronger than they ought to be. And, normally, that in itself would set off warning bells, after the Cage, but somehow, because it’s Gabriel, and because he’d asked, Sam doesn’t mind. He presses his face into the archangel’s chest, dimly aware he must be snotting up the angel's shirt awfully. Gabriel can fix it.

‘Sam, look at me.’

He does, teary hazel eyes meeting steady gold. Gabriel is exuding his calming influence again, but only a little, only enough that Sam stays coherent. The angel seems to think it’s healthier for Sam to work though his emotions on his own, especially during moments like this.

‘You. Are not. Broken.’ Gabriel’s face is stern, more serious than usual, but kind. He seems intent on getting through to Sam, on changing his mind about this.

Sam shakes his head. ‘I’m not… not normal, Gabriel, I don’t… I’m supposed to want… that,’ Sam gestures towards the TV in a way Gabriel takes to indicate the activities onscreen. The angel shuts the device off with a thought.

‘Says who?’ Society? Society doesn’t even believe I exist, what do they know?’ Sam’s lips twitch, but Gabriel suspects the half-smile was forced.

‘Sam. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. And if there was, I’d fix it.’

A moment later Gabriel is cursing his own word choice as Sam latches on to it.

‘But you could fix me. You turned me into a freaking car. You make entire worlds out of nothing. You could make me normal if you wanted to.’

And the kid looks so damn hopeful Gabriel almost doesn’t want to refuse. But it would be wrong. He knows that, and he’s going to make damn sure Sam does too.

‘I could, Sam, but I won’t. You’re asexual, not broken. It doesn’t change anything. If you want to, I’ll help you talk to Dean, make him stop trying to get you hook ups. But I’m not going to change you. There’s nothing to fix, Sam.’

‘But-‘

‘But nothing. Sammy, there is nothing wrong with you.’

Sam is just as surprised as Gabriel when he doesn’t protest the nickname. He pulls back from the hug to look at Gabriel, distantly aware of how ridiculous their position must look with the height difference.  
He takes a breath. It’s now or never. And Sam knows, how ridiculous it is for him still to hope, when Gabriel refuses to make him into what the angel needs, but maybe, if he knew what was on the table, Gabriel would change his mind.

‘But, Gabriel, you… angels are meant to be asexual too, aren’t they? And you’re not, you get laid more than Dean does-‘

‘That doesn’t mean anything, Sam, trust me, and besides, angels don’t really use the word the same way humans do. Or it only applies in our true forms. I don’t know, never really bothered testing it out. But we’re not talking about me. Where's this coming from?’

Sam has to break eye contact with Gabriel again. At least he’s not crying anymore. Bad enough he’s going to be rejected, he doesn’t need the pity as well.

‘I just thought… I see the way you look at me. But you need sex, and I don’t, and I thought maybe if you fixed me we could make it work. Until your father sends you someplace else.’

Gabriel is silent for a long minute, before he moves the hand resting on Sam’s back up to his hair.

‘Are you okay with kissing?’ He asks, and Sam can’t think for the life of him why, when he’s just told Gabriel why he’ll never be good enough for him. Sam nods, cautiously. Kissing was never a problem before, right? Even when everything else was.  
To Sam’s surprise, Gabriel keeps the kiss chaste, short and sweet. Like Gabriel himself, Sam thinks, then he wonders where that came from.

‘I don’t need sex, Sammy.’ The archangel says when he pulls away. ‘I can talk to my Father. Convince him to let me stay. As long as I don't go back to being Loki, I don't think he'll mind. And I won’t change you, bend you into shape, for my convenience. I’m not my brother. Being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have me.’

Gabriel kisses the hunter again, and Sam finally starts to believe it.

**If you're not reading this on AO3 it has been stolen.**

**Author's Note:**

> So, I dunno. This basically wrote itself, which was a surprise, cause last time I tried to write this I got nowhere with it. Eh.  
> I suspect I'm going to look at it in the morning and be horrified at what I've done, but it's 1am and I want to sleep.
> 
> Let me know what you think/ which parts desperately need changing.  
> Come talk to me at platonic-rabbit.tumblr.com


End file.
